She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
