My pussy is not your playground.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Randomize
