somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
