Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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