you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
