Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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