i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize