I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is my gift to your gina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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