I want to stick my p in your. b.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
