her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
