Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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