You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
