I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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