She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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