dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's always time for handjobs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
