we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
