I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize