Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
