Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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