its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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