Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
