There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Panties = found
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
