You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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