At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
