EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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