Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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