Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
