i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
