yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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