I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
