Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
