I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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