I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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