Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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