Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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