i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
