So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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