a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
