Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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