I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
