I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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