I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
