I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize