we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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