dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
