Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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