I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
