Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
