her facebook's as public as her vagina
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
