you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
