I CAN MOONWALK!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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