I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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