you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
