i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
