is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
