That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize