She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
