im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
