Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
