she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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