Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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