In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
