turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize