i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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