Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
