I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
