Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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