I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
