ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
