my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
