I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He did a backflip because drugs
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