I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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