Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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