I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
