just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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