he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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