Do you still have your period?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize