Screwed.edu
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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