I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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