i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
