Your face is a jimmy john
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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