porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
