Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
