I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
