So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize